Breakup Songs Ruin Songs

I am self-proclaimed King of making mixed CDs for the ladies I love. I’m not one to make ’em for friends really, although I’ve had requests – I am that good! The truth is I don’t want people passing around my killer custom mixes to just anyone.

It takes me hours upon hours of sifting through songs, sounds, and lyrics to find a collection of perfection. [Okay, I am a cheeseball with that reference.] But I am good at suiting songs together for a particular purpose or situation – to fit any/every occasion: the new love CD, the let’s go to the gym and work out together CD, the romantic dinner and whim-bang-ching CD, the I just found out you were cheating on me CD, and the breakup CD. I have to admit I’ve made a lot of breakup CDs in my day.

And now, I will forever associate certain songs with specific ex-girlfriends and frankly I’m getting sick of it. I blame it on the girl really, well, somebody needs to be blamed, and it’s easier that way. I need to start making really bad music choices when making the breakup CD. That way I get to keep the songs I like on my freaking iTunes play list without balling my ass off.

Important Note: DON’T EVER THINK that if you make a killer breakup mix and give it to the girl that it’s about, that she’ll ever change her mind and want to go back out with you. No song(s) are that powerful! However, if what you are looking for is a little breakup nookie, she might breakdown give a little. BUT it aint gonna make her realize what a horrible mistake she made, apologies won’t be flowing, and she won’t be sleeping in your bed that night. Sorry to break it to you. I’ve learned the hard way, so take it from me.
So if that is your mission put some fucking horrible songs on the CD. Ones you care to never hear again. Here’s a suggestion, how about some old tracks from the Monster Ballads CD? A little “Here I Go Again On My Own” by Whitesnake will do just as well. Shit, just buy her the whole CD and give that too her instead saving yourself the time and trouble.

I don’t know if this will work or not, but I’m going to put it out there to the universe. I’m trying to reverse the curse of all the songs/artists I’ve lost over the years to painful memories (so dramatic) of ex-relationships.

To all the ladies I loved before (and some I still do)..

Michelle I want Sinead O’Connor back.
Rebecca, I want the Indigo Girls back.
Natalie, I want Everyting But the Girl back.
Jen, I want Jodeci back.. um, forget that, you can have Jodeci.
Elinor, I want Tony Braxton back, not really, heehee.
Hope, I want Jeff Buckley back, seriously, I can’t believe he’s dead.
Noelle, we didn’t really have any songs.. I don’t think, sorry babe.
Deidre, I want Patty Griffin back.
Amanda, I want Coldplay back.
Melissa, I want Lionel Ritchie, Journey, Style Council and Patty Griffin back.

I’ll let you know if the universe releases these artists back to me without me still having feelings connected to those people.
If you read this, thanks.
Love you – mean it.
Ian