When A Butch Elder Asks You To Sit, YOU SIT!

Let me preface this by writing, I still own my Butch identity! I didn’t let it go when I claimed my Trans identity. I didn’t change from one to another; I simply added to my feelings as I identified them. I am Butch AND I am Trans. Having said that..

In Cleveland this past weekend after the second half of the pride festivities were cancelled due to crrrrrrazy weather, I went back to the hotel, dried off and relaxed a bit. My stomach was growling so I headed downstairs to the in-house restaurant for a crispy, crunchy salad. Mmmm. After I was done eating, I walked through the bar on my way back to my room and I spotted fellow performer, Ferron sitting at the bar. She invited me to sit down by motioning me over and patting the bar stool next to her.

For those of you who aren’t quite familiar with who Ferron is, just imagine a Butch dyke version of Leonard Cohen and you get the idea. She, like Leonard Cohen, hails from Canada AND is a musical icon – especially in the lesbian (or womyn’s) community. I was, to say the least, honored to be invited to join her and I believe when you’re invited to sit, by a Butch elder, YOU”D BETTER SIT YOUR ASS DOWN! It’s sure to be an enormous gift, possibly a life lesson, and likely a grand ole time.

My visit with Ferron made me realize how much I miss spending time with and talking to other Butches. A couple years ago in the summer, I spent a lot of time hanging out with my Butch buddy (aka, my lil brother) Cas. When I met Cas, I realized that connecting with other Butches was something I really need and regularly long for. Cas is now rocking Vermont these days with her Butchly charms, but the summer I spent with her in Maine before I came to LA was awesome. She and I drove around for weeks in a Jeep a friend had lent me. I had the top off all summer, in all kinds of weather, cranking Journey tunes super loud and singing them with Cas. “Don’t Stop.. believin'” Cas and I really bonded back then and she can testify, there’s nothing quite as healing as piloting an old jacked up Jeep with the top off and feeling the hum of it’s big knobby tires, to help take your mind off your hurtin’ heart. Now that’s BUTCH!

So the other night in Cleveland when I sat my ass down at the bar of the hotel with my Butch elder, Ferron, it was a similar bonding experience, but in near record time. The movement of our conversation rambled, flowed and jumped around a bit, like it does when you’re excited about getting to know someone, you want to cover it all so you try to fit a little bit of everything in.

I’ve mentioned this kind of analogy before, but it seems to fit well here too.. Often times meeting and bonding with another Butch is like.. I am a specific, rare breed of dog and I’m at the dog park, nose-to-nose with another dog that looks just like me! We are so fixated on each other and our likeness, we ignore the other pups there to simply stretch their legs. We’re both wagging our Butch dog tails really hard with excitement to see another dog so much like ourselves. We have so much to say, so much to relate to, and to validate one another. There just isn’t enough time to get it all done in that one visit to the dog park, but we try. I miss these kinds of connections, they don’t happen all that much anymore, so this one with Ferron, meant the world to me.

I’m going to attempt to sum a few of the things we covered in our dog park visit.. Here goes, in no particular order:

She said “so you’ve been through the change, huh?” She’s so old-school and salty. Ferron was always been masculine, even as a little kid. She grew up in Canada, Vancouver area I think. She is currently partnered to Mary who is a midwife for the Amish, they live in Michigan. Early life was hard but it made her a great songwriter. She began playing guitar super young. The vibration of the instrument on her sternum has always calmed her. Ferron has a hearty belly laugh, devilish with twinkly eyes. She thought of a joke at the airport and shared it with me. She’s magical and wise, but human and fragile. She admits to a mystical ability: in a room full of people she can spot the wounded by looking at nothing but their eyes. She loves those people, understands them, and wants to be human with them. She referred to herself as “svelte” back in her day. She told me that she would “have the change” step to the other side but she’s just too busy. She’s glad to talk to a guy who has crossed over to the other side. She asked me if she would grow facial hair on hormones. “Yes you would” I told her. Bitch came down from her hotel room and joined us. I told Ferron that her voice would get lower too if she took hormones. Bitch piped in and said “have you heard the first song on her new album?” [Laughing] “I don’t think it can get much lower than that.” Ferron wears Crocs to work in her 30×40 garden and forgets to take them off before she goes on the road for shows. She told me I listen like a woman and I took that as a compliment. We talked about sex and libido and our ladies. She asked me questions about other people’s perceptions of me as a man; neither of us could answer them because they are about other peoples perceptions. I think she is aware of her icon status but she never let on. She is extremely humble. We feel similar about our bodies, our chests and how we identify. Like Ferron, playing guitar calms me. We agreed that we are not so different. I confessed to her I still owned BUTCH. I told her that without my chest, I miss being visibly Queer. I told her I didn’t drink. She bought me a coffee. She and Bitch have a mutual admiration thing going on. Bitch was wearing a red ruffled tuxedo shirt and a piano vest. Ferron told her she looked like Liberace. Bitch showed me her home on wheels from the window. Bitch is going to Michigan to live on Ferron and Mary’s retreat space.

When the night was done, I went back up to my room I put the CD in my computer immediately to have a listen. I started to doze during the last song, the whole album is great. The next morning I rode to the airport with the lovely Connie, the pride driver. I told her a little about my experience the night before with Ferron and Bitch. She informed me she was picking up Ferron next to bring her to the airport. I begged Connie to give Ferrion a message: “Please tell her that I love her!” Just as I utter the words tp my phone buzzed with an incoming text. It was from Ferron, telling me that she was glad our paths had crossed on this planet.

Cheers to Ferron, my new, magical, elder Butch friend. Check out her music at: www.myspace.com/ferronboulder

The next time a Butch elder asks you to sit.. DO IT! Shit, I’m old enough now, it might just be me.

LYMI, XOXO – Ian